Judgement day has come and gone....it went just the way that I had prayed and hoped.
My husband moved up just about as far as he can go without being corportate. He will move out of his current position tomorrow at 5am and start his new position on Monday....best part is it's days 7-4 Monday-Friday.....it's the best thing that could happen for our marriage and for his career. He's a big wig now....Wow, as I look back.. I remember marrying a college student. He was 6 months from graduation when we married on his Christmas break. We were broke as broke could be. If anyone ever said that I married him for his money then that would be a joke. If anyone wants to believe that, then he had a dime and I had a nickel. LOL We had 1 car since the motor slung a rod a week after we married. We sacrificed and ate the crappiest food but we were happy AND broke.
Once he graduated the student loan money ran out and we were left with absolutely no money whatsoever. His grandmother helped us some....yes, we lived off of 500 bucks a month. Luckily, the house we lived in was inherited and paid for. We went all over the south east looking for a job.....getting your first job in the medical field is challenging. We were out of money and out of luck.......just as we were about to get frustrated, a job called in Tennessee....he agreed to an interview but we had no money for hotel room, gas, food, etc. We decided we would sell our waterbed. LMAO We sold if for 200 bucks and on our merry way we went. We got there and the job was NOT what it was suppose to be. We headed home in disgust and pulled in our drive way with 37 cents to OUR names. After going inside we realized we were broke as heck and we were gonna be sleeping on the floor. LOL Anyway, to make a long story short.....a loan later and moving to Greenville, MS, we both had work. As I heard the news yesterday that my husband accepted this position...I started thinking back to where we started 16 years ago. We've come a long way baby. I can't tell you the excitement that is felt right now. I feel like I'm going to be a newlywed again, feel like I am going to know him again, he is going to be a daddy again, he's gonna be home in the afternoons with us....no one knows the toll this position has cause on our marriage and to think that I just about gave up. Anyway, so much for my honking ....I am so thankful and excited for him and his career as well as for our family.
Sooo now I will get to have my hobbies back....I will get to scrapbook, have some help around the house, get to make the jewelry that I have been wanting to do. It's not going to be about being a "single married mom" anymore. Those days are long gone! Thank you Jesus for giving me a partner again and I pray that we can be best friends like we use to be.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Digging down deep
It's been forever since I blogged....I find writing therapeutic so I am going to start taking this back up.
Digging down deep to finding your true identity is hard and confusing. Not knowing...then finally knowing has left me confused, tired, emotionally and mentally drained. When I look in the mirror, I finally know who and where I am from. Although, I finally **KNOW**, I don't understand.
In the process, I've been stuck in the mud, been cut by thorns, stickers, briars, freezing conditions, heat stroke, climbed mountains, been dehydrated. Ok, these are all figures of speech but not knowing and then knowing is harder than I originally thought.
The hardest part has been my marriage. I married at 18 years old to the man who I love to death. We're matches and gasoline, literally. I've thought about giving up on this marriage in the past 3 years so many times. Too many times to count. I wanted my husband to be best friend, brother, husband, my father, provider, my childrens father, and the list went on and on. I expected too much from him. Things changed a few weeks ago......I was ready to give it all up. I was ready to be single, a single mom, ready to leave my home (that we love and worked so hard for), ready to lose whatever had to be lost in order to be ________. I couldnt fill in that blank. My husband works nights and I work days and we're basically living 2 seperate lives in this home. Not what I want or what I signed up for. A few weeks ago, my feelings were so bottled up and we had a huge blow up (all me....he's easy going and I am the hot head). I couldn't hold in my feelings of discontent anymore. I made my decision to file for divorce.
To my amazement, his response was totally different. Don't get me wrong, he was angry and bitter at me. Had many choice words for me and we ignored each other for almost a week.....not one word was spoken between the 2 of us. BUTTTT his response was heart warming. For once in my life he wasn't wanting to run. He wanted to work it out and trust in himself, God, and ME....WHAT? ME???
I love old saying, Peace comes in the darkest hour. Well, that is exactly what has happened.
I can honestly say, this man loves me no matter what. He didnt want abandon me. I have never trusted because I had in my head that everyone will abandon me at some point.
Now, that things have been laid out on the table....The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly....things are finally turning around. My biggest gripe is that he works nights and I work days. Totally not working around here and I'm tired of being a "single married mom". Just when I had given up, he is looking at a promotion.....a big pay raise, better hours, and we can be a family again. I miss our dinners together at night, our family outtings, our date nights, him attending the kids events with me, us being in the same house at night, playing volleyball in the afternoons, our family vacations and trips together. No doubt I love him......I think it took him not wanting to run to make me realize how much he actually loves me. I am really blessed more than I ever knew or realized.
I'm hoping he accepts this position....he's worked so hard for it and deserves it. I've finally found some contentment with this marriage that I havent had in a long long time.
Life is getting much much better! God really answers prayers....and blessed me more than I deserve.
Digging down deep to finding your true identity is hard and confusing. Not knowing...then finally knowing has left me confused, tired, emotionally and mentally drained. When I look in the mirror, I finally know who and where I am from. Although, I finally **KNOW**, I don't understand.
In the process, I've been stuck in the mud, been cut by thorns, stickers, briars, freezing conditions, heat stroke, climbed mountains, been dehydrated. Ok, these are all figures of speech but not knowing and then knowing is harder than I originally thought.
The hardest part has been my marriage. I married at 18 years old to the man who I love to death. We're matches and gasoline, literally. I've thought about giving up on this marriage in the past 3 years so many times. Too many times to count. I wanted my husband to be best friend, brother, husband, my father, provider, my childrens father, and the list went on and on. I expected too much from him. Things changed a few weeks ago......I was ready to give it all up. I was ready to be single, a single mom, ready to leave my home (that we love and worked so hard for), ready to lose whatever had to be lost in order to be ________. I couldnt fill in that blank. My husband works nights and I work days and we're basically living 2 seperate lives in this home. Not what I want or what I signed up for. A few weeks ago, my feelings were so bottled up and we had a huge blow up (all me....he's easy going and I am the hot head). I couldn't hold in my feelings of discontent anymore. I made my decision to file for divorce.
To my amazement, his response was totally different. Don't get me wrong, he was angry and bitter at me. Had many choice words for me and we ignored each other for almost a week.....not one word was spoken between the 2 of us. BUTTTT his response was heart warming. For once in my life he wasn't wanting to run. He wanted to work it out and trust in himself, God, and ME....WHAT? ME???
I love old saying, Peace comes in the darkest hour. Well, that is exactly what has happened.
I can honestly say, this man loves me no matter what. He didnt want abandon me. I have never trusted because I had in my head that everyone will abandon me at some point.
Now, that things have been laid out on the table....The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly....things are finally turning around. My biggest gripe is that he works nights and I work days. Totally not working around here and I'm tired of being a "single married mom". Just when I had given up, he is looking at a promotion.....a big pay raise, better hours, and we can be a family again. I miss our dinners together at night, our family outtings, our date nights, him attending the kids events with me, us being in the same house at night, playing volleyball in the afternoons, our family vacations and trips together. No doubt I love him......I think it took him not wanting to run to make me realize how much he actually loves me. I am really blessed more than I ever knew or realized.
I'm hoping he accepts this position....he's worked so hard for it and deserves it. I've finally found some contentment with this marriage that I havent had in a long long time.
Life is getting much much better! God really answers prayers....and blessed me more than I deserve.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
2009 National Champions Roll Tide!
How freakin wonderful! So proud to call Tuscaloosa my home....we're a college town with a serious beer and FOOTBALL addicition.
ROLLLLL FREAKIN TIDEEEEEEEE!
13 baby!!!!!!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Journaling
I love to journal and write. Sometimes I fall short knowing what to write about....it's usually feelings, kids, work, you know the daily grind. There is a new blog to help with just that.
I've ignored this blog for the past few months because life was too busy to sit down and upload a million things. I am excited that something and other people will give me the mojo to document the important things in my life, things I wouldn't typically think of.
Here's the link if anyone is interested in playing along.
http://yourlifespelledout.blogspot.com/
Ok....now gotta Rock my Blog with some stories.
Hope everyone is having a wonderful 2010....may it be filled with lots of good memories!
I've ignored this blog for the past few months because life was too busy to sit down and upload a million things. I am excited that something and other people will give me the mojo to document the important things in my life, things I wouldn't typically think of.
Here's the link if anyone is interested in playing along.
http://yourlifespelledout.blogspot.com/
Ok....now gotta Rock my Blog with some stories.
Hope everyone is having a wonderful 2010....may it be filled with lots of good memories!
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